Illumi-Naughty Business

Backwards messages on records.
Faking the moon landing.
AIDS being created in a secret government laboratory.
What do these things have in common?

They're all TRUE.

No, I kid, I kid. Actually, these things are all conspiracy theories, something that I am totally fascinated by. Conspiracy theories tend to range in believability and cover quite a few different topics: for example, there are conspiracy theorists who believe that we don't really know what happened in the JFK assassination. Pretty reasonable, right?

Well there are also conspiracy theorists who believe that many of the world leaders are actually lizard people from another planet who are infiltrating society incognito. That one might be a little further outside the realm of possibility.

WAKE UP AMERICA

Anyway, because economics are apparently part of pretty much anything, many conspiracy theories revolve around the economy, whether local or global. One conspiracy that is believed to go all the way to the top of every nation? The Illuminati, a secret society that is a branch of the New World Order, has its own "invisible hand" in the global economy, and its grip is tighter than ever. 

Illuminati - I mean, Federal Reserve - Chair Janet Yellen looking pleased with her nefarious deeds

So, what is the Illuminati doing to our economy, and why are they doing it?

The Illuminati is:

1. Printing extra money 

2. Manipulating value of crucial industries like oil

3. Deliberate contraction of credit, also called "credit squeeze"

all to bring about economic collapse and rise from the ashes of the ruined world to usher in the era of the New World Order.

Join today and you too can be a part of our impending doom.

So, is all this really happening? Maybe. Maybe not. But let's say it was, and the Illuminati really is provoking economic collapse. With their current plan, would they be effective? Let's analyze their methods using the skills we've learned in Mr. Kern's economics class, because I'm sure this is definitely the kind of work Mr. Kern had in mind when he signed up to teach us economics.

Step 1: Printing extra money

Inflation is a word people love to toss around. Many people aren't totally sure what inflation really means, but if you're reading this blog post you're either in economics class or a huge nerd, so I'm going to take for granted that all of you do. While some inflation is healthy in an economy because it generally indicates a fast-moving circular flow and high level of consumer spending demand, too much inflation can result in very low purchasing power and lack of access to goods for the average citizen. Inflation that stems from the additional printing of money is even worse than high circular-flow-related inflation because it results in less purchasing power without showing any healthy levels of consumer spending. Excessive money printing without the real GDP or gold reserves to match it is detrimental to an economy. For example, take a post-WW1 Germany. Germany was attempting to repay massive debts to much of Europe while dealing with its own reconstruction, so it printed money at such a rate that it became essentially worthless. People in Germany even took to burning stacks of paper money in the winter, because it was more valuable as kindling than as money. Should the Illuminati have agents printing and distributing extra money in secret, over time it could tank an economy due to the harmful inflation that results, making vital resources available solely to the nations' elite. 

Careful friend, those could be Reptilian dollars.

Step 2: Manipulating value of crucial industries like oil

There is a clear downward trend in the oil industry at this point in time. So-called "experts" say that this is due to a surplus of an inelastic good, which means that there's more of it than we really need, because we aren't all suddenly buying more gas now that prices are low. It's not like stocking up on Pop-Tarts at Costco because they were having a sale, you can't keep gasoline in your pantry for months on end. Gas prices could certainly be from this surplus, OR maybe that's just what The Man wants you to believe. We've seen this year that the economy gets manipulated pretty easily, often without our knowledge. I mean, how many of us were really aware of Supreme Overlord Janet Yellen until fairly recently? Oil would be a good industry for the Illuminati to target because it is a lynch pin in the global economy. If the Illuminati were artificially raising or lowering oil prices, it would seriously effect nations like Russia, which has clearly suffered from oil's diminishing value. 

Gets picked last at the Illuminati Summer Fun Kickball Game and has his economy tanked for the good of the New World Order? Poor Puty just can't win.

Step 3: Deliberate contraction of credit, or "credit squeeze"

Monetary policy affects the interest and availability of loans. Generally, there are economic indicators of why interest rates are increasing or decreasing, and monetary policy tends to change in small stages so as not to upset the economy with drastic moves. A credit squeeze, however, involves a reduction in the availability of credit separate from a rise in national interest rates. In this situation, credit availability and interest rates no longer have the relationship that is expected by consumers and businesses. If the Illuminati were to manipulate credit availability within the system rather than having it rise or fall based on interest rates, it would confuse the economy, allow financial institutions to fail, slow economic growth, and raise unemployment.

Once the economy is tanked, the Illuminati's next order of business is to come up with an easier hand signal, because having to ask a buddy to be your third hand every time is starting to get awkward.

So seems to me that, if the New World Order really is plotting to destroy the economy, their current plan would do a pretty good job of it. Why would anyone want to destroy the world's economy? Because, once we are ravaged by war and economic turmoil, the New World Order can rise as a united front and we will have no choice but to accept their reign. 

The question remains: is there any proof that any of this is actually happening? Um, excuse you, do you even get it at all? You don't need "proof" for a conspiracy theory. All you need is circumstantial evidence, too much free time, and a healthy dose of paranoia. 

Illuminati? Confirmed.